KPUM-PA: Happy Fathers Day to All

Father's day posting updated to blog. Group picture taken in 1990, during my chhildren's first visit to Nigeria, with their grandparents and me. It was Christmas day, a day of great celebration. Chen-Chem sat at Grandpa's feet. Second picture is of Grandpa, during one of his visits years later.

It has been my tradition to do a little write-up every year for Father’s Day. This year, with my schedule, it was not easy for me to sit down and put my thoughts in writing. As this Father’s Day drew close to an end, I put down what I was doing, to put out even just a few lines. My thoughts on Father’s Day this year have been mixed. This will be the first year; I am celebrating Father’s Day without my father. It has been a sobering experience. For the first time, I walked in the shoes of many others out there. It is hard to understand other people’s experiences until one goes through the same themselves. Surprisingly, I have had quite a good time, thinking about and reflecting on and sssessing the various ways, our interactions with other people, be it friends, neighbors, siblings, spouses, parents, especially fathers, affect our lives and destinies. Even when a father is not around, father figures stepping in to fill the gap, make a big difference in children’s lives, especially boys. Success stories abound, from god fathers stepping in, to grandfathers,uncles, big brothers, coaches, teachers, and others stepping in to be the father figure in a child’s life. To God is all glory for such blessings and May the Almighty bless all the father figures today in the Name of Jesus. Almost a month ago, my youngest daughter graduated from Law school. The graduation fell on Friday, creating a problem for family members who had to work that day. As I talked with her and she was reassuring me that it was alright if I did not come, I remembered an incident from years back, when she was barely one year old, a very active and fast toddler, who crawled into everything, pulling down and playing with books, magazines, dishes, pots and pans she collected from the kitchen cabinets. It was a lot of work taking care of her. As soon as she came home from the babysitter’s house, she would start her rounds, from one wrong 'toy" to another, and telling her “No” made her even more determined. In other words, she enjoyed the attention, even if it was negative. During that period, her grandfather was visiting, and he would sit by the balcony door, overlooking the parking lot of the high rise apartment building. Beyond the parking lot were a few blocks which separated the building from the very busy Huntington Avenue and Brigham circle. From the balcony, one can hear or sometimes see the hustle on one of Boston’s busiest spots. During the summer, that balcony door was always left open and grandpa loved to sit there and read. He would watch as his little grand daughter ran around and as she was pursued and called out to stop whatever she was doing or was trying to do. He would watch bemused at our frustration. He would try to defend her and remind me that I was once that way myself and he would laugh out loud upon remembering some of the things I used to do when I was that age. He would laugh in his high pitched laughing voice and then remind me of some of the very funny things I did as a toddler. He recounted how I would follow grown ups around, doing what ever they did, like a robot. If they stopped, I would stop, if they yawned, I would yawn, if they hiccupped, I would hiccup, if they said, O Chim ooo, I would say O chim ooo, and add Hi-hia, hia hia, before they got to that part. That would throw the grown up into a fit of laughter and I would join in the laughter. By the time he was done with some of the stories, everybody there would be in laughing so hard. He added that I was also always huffing and puffing like my little daughter, because we shared the same congestion problems from allergies and tended to breath through the mouth. Watching us, me or her father, chase our little daughter around trying to stop her always made her grandpa laugh and he would protest and plead with us to stop shouting at her and leave her alone. He would then watch her, move around with her, gently explaining to her what she cannot touch and why. She would look at him, as if she understood, sometimes smile and try to touch the danger again, but eventually they understood each other and she calmed down and would look at him for assurance before touching anything that are not her toys. They became good friends and confidants. As soon as she came home, she would crawl to him to be picked up and after settling down, she would slip off his lap and start exploring, crawling as fast as her knees would allow. She would look back to see if grandpa was coming. She would pull herself up and hold onto things to stand and then try to move around. Her grandpa realized that she was ready to walk and for the next week or so, they worked at it. She would hold onto his hand and he would reach down and hold her hand and patiently walk around with her as she explored. It became their routine and by now she was trying to call him by name. Her siblings called him “Grandpa” and after trying so many sounds, she started calling him “ Kpum-pa”. In those days, they spoke fluent Igbo and the double consonants were no problem at all. When Chen-Chem wanted to walk, she would crawl to grandpa, calling him “Kpum-pa, Kpum-pa” and reach out for his hand. Kpum-pa would chuckle and take her hand and walk with her. Before long, his little grand daughter got steady on her feet and moved around more comfortably holding firmly to Kpum-pa’s hand. One afternoon, while they walked, she let go of his hand and took off almost running, to her grandpa’s delight. I could hear his hearty laughter from the kitchen as he praised her and clapped for her. Her eyes with bright and she was grinning from ear to ear as I came out to see what had happened. That was how she learned to stand and walk and years later to do a lot of other things like her holding her cutlery sets, singing, proper posture and many choruses, she learnt from grand-pa. I don’t even remember when she stopped calling him “Kpum-pa”, but one thing remained, and that was a special bond between Kpum-pa and his little grand daughter Chen-chem. At the celebration of his 90th birthday and his 60th wedding anniversary, Uche led the Praise dance his grandchildren performed on his behalf and “Kpum-pa” was very appreciative, as was his nature. He appreciated how his children celebrated his life while he was hale and hearty, just like he celebrated each and every one of them in his little special way. I am sure he would have been overjoyed to watch Chen-Chem pick up her Law degree. He was not here to see that, but I am sure he would have been very amused, remembering the huffing and puffing days at 75 Saint Alphonsus Street, Back Bay Manor, where he stooped over,holding her little hand walking her around the apartment in a walking practice drill. He would have been very happy indeed. As I talked to Uche on her graduation day, I did not remind her, but I remembered and I could hear in my mind, Kpum-pa chuckle with delight upon hearing of her graduation, and the tears welled up, tears, not tears of sorrow, but tears of remembrance, remembrance of good things, happy events, great memories. With her father at her graduation, and her grandpa’s legacy in tow, I figured that all will be well. Nine months after the fact, the fact of my father’s passing, I now have more appreciation of what it feels like not to have a father and I respect all those who lost their father’s at a very young age, and those who are fatherless, even as their biological fathers are alive and well. I appreciate everyone whose father is no longer around. There is a Heavenly Father. And for those who still have fathers, please enjoy them. Reconcile with them if there is a problem. Spend time with them, pray with them. Pray for them. If they are not part of your life by their choice, look up to the Father above. He is able to fill the void. May God bless all fathers and father figures out there today and forever. And may the blessed memories of the departed fathers remain with those of us whose fathers have moved to glory. May we all strive to meet them again in the great beyond. Amen!!! A pleasant evening everyone.