Family times: 1. Snowed in on a Sunday morning.2. After church on a beautiful spring day 3.Arriving at a wedding. 4. In the park after church. 5. Parked too far. Can we go now?
6&7: Say Ch-e-e-s-e
8. Fun time at a wedding.
In this day and age when life is a bustle, there is hardly time to spend with family anymore. Over the years, even with the advent of new gadgets to make life easier, life continues to get more complicated, robbing families of quality time.
It is well known that children who spent quality time, no matter how short with siblings and with their parents as a family grow up to be stable and confident adults. They get along with each other better, and with others and continue to enjoy family time into their old age. Foundations laid in childhood lead into adulthood and sustains into late life. The memories linger as new memories are made.
Sundays used to be the best days for quality family time. During the days of the blue laws, when stores and businesses were closed on Sundays by law, families were compelled to enjoy time together, lounging in the house, going together to their house of worship, to the park or to do any fun activity to spend the day together. All of these have changed today.
Yesterday, I was talking to a friend and inspiration, Arunne, who I had not spoken to for a few weeks. She was busy as usual and listed all the guests she had had recently, her bothers and their spouses,her son and his wife and I couldn't help thinking what a blast she must be having. I understand first hand what a joy it is to be with family and have fun together. It is something I get to do very often.It is refreshing, life sustaining and habit forming. The bible says in psalm-133 vs 1-----" How good it is for brethren to dwell together in harmony" (Le k'osi di nma but mbiko (nmeko) nke umu nne) To some people, it is gauche because they were not raised that way, to share, to appreciate and to build up their siblings and relatives. Some grow up keeping to themselves or to the siblings from their mother and nobody else. Everybody else is regarded with suspicion.
Recently at the thanksgiving and celebration party for my daughter for her graduation from Medical school, something happened that surprised me in a pleasant way. My children are very close in age for the most part, so they played together and spent a lot of quality time together. It is almost as if they can read each other's minds. I had forgotten how close they were until that night. After most of the guests had left, they went to a corner like they used to do and started dancing by themselves, shedding all the " maturity" and going back to little kid days. As they lined up dancing with their cousins, unknown to them, the photographer kept working capturing most of it in pictures. When I saw the pictures, they brought back memories stored away in a safe place in my mind----memories of good times, of love and companionship, memories that will never die no matter what.
Many things in life can die and are no more, but a few things live for ever. The human spirit, which can be broken at times, but nonetheless, live forever. The spirit can be repaired and brought back to good life or it can be left broken until a person dies and the spirit goes back to the maker to be sent to a permanent abode. True love never dies no matter what happens and prevails and for how long.
Sometimes, God sends his creation to the potter's house ( Jer. ch. 18 v.2, v.4) for a makeover, for his very own purpose. Sometimes, people are actually a work in progress in the potter's hand and we as people do not see it at all. We focus on trying to point at the marred vessel which is under repair and show how much better and more fulfilled we are. We make ourselves judges pointing fingers at people who we believe have failed woefully. We start preaching to them, if we are inclined to that. Others may start mocking and taunting, judging and throwing out painful words and phrases to show another what a worthless failure they are. Some will flaunt what they think they enjoy that these worthless losers can never enjoy forgetting that nobody holds a monopoly to intimacy and relationships. It is a choice whether to live as a living sanctuary or to live by the standards of the world. It is laughable when people come out and start to brag about how much more fulfilled and successful and blessed and happy they are because of their marital status. It makes a mockery of everything Ndi Igbo used to believe in including " Onye aghana nwanne ya" It is as if we enjoy throwing pepper in the raw wounds of our brethren who are going through trials, sometimes by no fault of theirs. Some of the trials and failures are actually brought by crafty manipulations by unfriendly friends who then turn around to spread and amplify the problems and point fingers. To a less strong person, it means living in shame and shying away from gatherings for fear of being humiliated further. The saddest part is when it is done by people who should understand, reminding me of an igbo proverb " Oru fulu k'aneni ibe ya kpachapu anya" Watching out and finding out why things are happening and finding ways to fix it should be the goal, not pointing fingers and building theories that hold no truth at all and trying to force it down the throat. Even with this "truths" laced with bible verses, the problem will remain intact.
It is a disgrace how we have let our lives degenerate so badly in the diaspora, becoming empty vessels always making loud noises about our accomplishments and series of titles and elitist positions, the most distinguished of which is now "the married club" Anybody outside this club especially women is useless, lonely, frustrated and the list goes on and should go somewhere and hide and die in shame especially if she was in that club and somehow fell out or got out. Whatever led to the fall out or the difficulties on even the children involved do not matter at all. They are condemned to the thrash can and written off.
No wonder our problems become more compounded with each passing day as we keep unleashing forces which are contrary to the way our people used to do things. We keep adding more bad things to the stack of things we are notorious for. Important principles of life are ignored while we chase after significance with the attainment of loftier titles, degrees, clubs and anything else which may hoist our diminishing self esteem and self worth. It becomes a rat race and it does not matter on whose face we stand to get an inch higher and feel better and more than somebody else. It is a rat race and I see no winners as long as Ndi igbo continue on the downward slide. The WIC saga is a glaring example of who we have become. Fourteen years of a wilderness journey and nothing to show for it.
The rebirth will start one family at a time. Building bonds that last. Quality time. Start today. These bonds hold even after the storm has swept everything else away.
May God help us as we heal as a people.
Chinwe E
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